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Running Solo

December 4, 2012
The feet of a person running

                                                              Alex di Suvero for The New York Times

This weekend I completed my 9th half marathon.  You would think that I love running or something.  The truth is that to say I love running would be a lie.  I’m more addicted to signing up for races than I am to actually running.  Each time I sign up for a new race, it gives me another reason to keep training.  And I need reasons to train or else I might quit running all together. I’ve accepted this about myself.  I’m not a die-hard runner and I will probably never win a race.  I don’t get excited about training plans and group runs.  More often than not, I will bribe myself to complete my training runs – usually with wine.  I’m OK with all of these things because I don’t run for fun. So why do I do it then?  I do it because each time I run I defeat myself.  When I run those voices in my head are quick to start talking.  They say “You can slow down a little bit” or “It’s fine to cut this run short” or “Why not just walk today”.  And I silence them.  For me, the best feeling in the world is to defeat my self-doubt. This is why I run solo.  It’s a battlefield out there, and I want to take it on alone for the sole purpose of being able to shut myself up.  As soon as those voices of self-doubt are quiet, I can see the path clearly.  All of sudden I can do anything and I can do it well.  Goals get set, plans get made and distractions get minimized.  When I start each run, I’m a mess; by the end, I’m right again.  Running is my therapy.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. December 5, 2012 6:36 am

    That’s exactly what I said last week! I need to enter races or I wouldn’t have the motivation to get out and get training.

  2. December 19, 2012 7:45 pm

    This is so me! I mean, I don’t sign up for races all the time, but I don’t necessarily enjoy running. I enjoy feeling like I’m drowning out my self doubt. Whatever the reason, though, be proud of what you’ve accomplished!

  3. shirley permalink
    January 25, 2013 2:59 pm

    The voices in your head are in mine as well LOL but you are so right when you say being able to beat the voices down is a great feeling. Keep posting; motivate others 🙂 like me!

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